Won't you come curl up with me?
You were so gentle, just listening to me play the piano...
Please... it would be so nice to have a warm body beside me...
I promise I'll sneak you a full can tomorrow if you're good...
Come here.. Come on! Stop hissing. There's no need to hiss.
Oh, don't do that. Stop---I said DON'T HISS. Just calm---come on now---JULIET I SAID
Fine. Who needs to pet you anyway.
It seems that not three minutes passed after my previous post before a number of you decided it was appropriate to "alert the leader." I can assure you there is no crisis situation underway and Mikhail aggressively tested the entire system before launch & announcement, thus no need whatsover to use this option at this time. [EDIT] REMINDER: Sending the disarm code AUTOMATICALLY activates 14J as well. There is no need to test either of these options.
The pylon SMS leader alert text activates the EXACT SAME PROTOCOLS as the standard alert. My phone was ringing off the hook. Not to mention the apparent attempts to use the pylon SMS to send me specific messages. While the SMS system WILL deliver specific messages following the insertion of 14j, this is an incorrect usage of the protocol.
You are NOT to use this function to contact me directly with sensitive information. You are ESPECIALLY not to use it to submit information to me that is inconsequential. The protocol for contacting me will be laid out shortly. REMINDER: ALL PERSONNEL ARE TO CONTINUE TO CARRY & UTILIZE THE WALKIE SYSTEM UNTIL ALL COCOPHONE PROTOCOLS ARE RELEASED.
To answer a selection of your questions, though:
1) Maxie, you only need to type 14j once before sending.
2) Hello to you too, Aldo.
3) What exactly is "b00bz", Aldo? Is that what I think it means? If so, please see previous bulletin re: guideline #4.
4) I did feed Juliet this morning, Ethan, and yes, half a can as we discussed.
5) Yes, this works, but I am not as amused as YOU apparently are, Danny, according to the "haha" preceding the inquiry.
Honestly. If an ex-Soviet who prefers his hard drives in kilobytes and a man possibly older than time itself can figure this new technology out, the rest of you have NO excuse.
We have just set up the entire Island with one of the most advanced small scale systems available in the modern world. This was not thrust upon you to daze and confuse you, it was in DIRECT RESPONSE to the community initiative prompted by the findings of the Technology Exploration Commission re our current hardware setup. Perhaps you could try saying "Thank you, Ben!" instead of harassing my inbox with idiocy.
Any more nonsense and you will all--yes ALL---be sent for a rudimentary educational session with our new technology intern Vanessa. May I remind you she is seventeen. And knows far, far more than you do.
Yes. Yes, that is shame you're feeling. Bathe in it. Bathe in the shame.
We have activated additional methods for adjusting the level of/disarming the pylons. This will allow all authorized personnel access to the pylon system regardless of proximity to the system or access to grounded communications equipment.
For those authorized to use the new CocoPhones, from now on, along with using the built-in keypads on the pylon system, you may also use these two new methods:
A. SMS SERVICE
1) Start a new text to "PYLON+[code of pylon]" (ex. PYLON37 / 7956637 )
2) Type message
- To change level, type "lev [number, range 1-10]"
- To disarm, type "dis [current disarm code]" (ex. 1623)
- To alert leader, type "14j"
3) Hit "CocoSend" (it's the one with the half-coconut icon if you can't read the text)
B. COCONET MOBILE
1) Open JungleBrowser
2) Enter at top: m.theisland.net (you do not need to enter https://, it will redirect)
3) Login with user/pass
4) Select "Pylons"
5) Follow instructions on screen
The rumored Pylon App is still under development. Please use the above methodology for the time being.
It's okay, Mister Eight. We can just pretend his obliviousness is part of his charm.
I brought you ham.........